um... not sure where this going...

for whoever's interested - i haven't had a computer (or internet) at home for 3 weeks now! i'm dying! that's why my posts are sporatic and for me, i feel like they're incomplete. bare with me.

anyway, ever have those conversations where people say to you "well, that sure is interesting" with this look in their eyes lke you are absolutely insane?

well, i just did and frankly, i get that a lot. wtf is wrong with me and what i say? luckily, i don't really care whether people think i'm weird, because so what. most people are "weird". i like being a "freak" - i think it just means i'm an individual, that i'm myself.

what i will say though, is that it makes it hard to make friends. and lately at work, that's been bothering me.

i don't think this is headed anywhere so i'll just stop. don't you hate when you read something that doesn't even have a point?

mountain or molehill? you decide.

for me, honesty is the most essential factor in a committed relationship. the number of partners who cheat on each other and hide entire facets of their lives from each other is astronimical. that lifestyle wouldn't work for me.

last night was my boss' 50th birthday and her family through her a surprise party. they really pulled out all the stops! i thought the date was thursday, sept. 22nd but luckily, yesterday, a woman at worked asked me what the dress i was wearing to the party looked like. i told her that i was going to buy it saturday (today) and she told me (to my horror) that the party was actually that night (last night).

so, i raced to find a sitter and a dress (never did - had to wear an old one) and of course, a gift. then, i called milan, to apologize and inform him that he would not be relaxing friday night. he called me back 3 times yesterday trying to get out of going until i began crying. finally, he agreed to go but was clearly loathing it.

at the party, about 2 hours into it, i got up to dance. sometime during the first song, i noticed milan was no longer in his seat. 3 songs later, i went back to the table to find him still missing. 10 minutes go by and i'm thinking, what, did he fall in?? (the toilet) so, i get up to go looking and notice him walking up to a friend of mine outside. now, before your mind goes crazy, no, he wasn't sneaking out to hook up with anyone.

i tell him i was looking for him, he says really? and that's it. another hour later we say our goodbyes. as we're heading out, he says, oh, i pulled the car up closer to the door. great. thanks.

then, this morning, i get in his car to come to work and find a brand new pack of cigarettes hidden (poorly) underneath the driver's seat. (probably wouldn't have even seen it if i didn't lose my flip-flop climbing in.) so, he had snuck out unbeknownst to me to go buy some stupid cigarettes and didn't even bother to tell me. not even when i asked him where he'd been all that time.

i get that this isn't the end of the world. but honesty and trust are important to me and i feel like if you can lie about the little things, why not the big ones, too?

i'm hurt. i'll get over it. but in this moment?

i'm hurt.

loving our kids is only half the battle

My 3-year-old is officially experiencing stress.

Yes, 3 years old! 3 weeks ago, we moved. Her school remained the same as did our schedule, but still, new house, new bigger bed and suddenly she's scared of the monsters that will come through her window fan if I leave it on.

Last month, her class moved into a new classroom (with the same teachers) and then on Sept. 6th, new kids joined the mix, one of whom is 8 mos. too young, barely speaks, bites, hits and wears diapers. Then, last Friday, the assitanat teacher in her classroom quit. This past weekend, I notice signs of regression in Micah. Super-whiney, pointing and crying rather than telling me what she wants, accidents and just more apt to tears.

Then, Tuesday, her main teacher just leaves. Smack in the middle of the day. Just leaves. The director said, "Her personal life came into the classroom and she just left on the spot." I'm thinking 2 things - 1. how could you leave 15 3-yr-olds who love you dearly?? 2. it better have been a major emergency for you to leave in the middle of the day and not tell us parents why.

Well, last night I found out why - I was speaking with the director regarding my concerns in the classroom (and the fact that Micah's behavior just BOTTOMED OUT Tuesday night) and she, the director, was getting defensive because everyone was blaming her so she blurts out, "She left because she was sleeping with a parent!!!"

Holy.Shit.

This girl (who by the way has the same name as me which is just weird) - had better hope she does not see me in public b/c she will go down!!!

My mother bear self is enraged! Turns out the parents of a little boy in Micah's class are in the process of getting a divorce. The soon-to-be-ex wife of this sleezoid guy found out about the affair and confronted the teacher in the classroom (yeah, cuz that's appropriate) and the teacher was so ashamed from the confrontation that she just left.

sigh...

walk this way

Breast Cancer is a disease that hits very close to home for me. My Aunt is a survivor, her mother and two of her sisters were not.

Currently, my cousin, to whom I am closer than my own sister, is battling breast cancer. It has metastasized into her bones and her brain. They'd given her months to live when she left for Envita and because of their care, she is now stronger and healthier and not so close to living on borrowed time.

It is for her that I am participating in a Making Strides Against Breast Cancer walk next month. She and I both would appreciate anyone who can visit my webpage and make a donation.

Please help me reach my $1000 goal!!

Thank you everyone!