soapbox city

There's a topic I've been wanting to post about for some time. I wanted to write drafts and revise and be concrete and not leave myself open to hate. Criticism, differing points of view, okay - personal attacks, not okay.

But, I'm just too busy for all of that proofreading and worry, so oh, well, here goes.

Single Parenthood. This is my topic. This is my pet peeve. There are so many women in the blogging world using the term "single parent(ing)". It's the new trend.

"I had to single parent an entire weekend."
"Hubby went out with the guys last night, and left me to single parent the bedtime routine."

It infuriates me. INFURIATES me. This is not single parenting. This is not even a glimpse of single parenthood. This is regular parenthood. This is marriage. Of course you're going to have to be alone with the kids sometimes. DUH!! Single parenthood is when you CAN'T choose to go out with the guys or the girls or whomever because you don't have that other person to stay with your child. Single parenthood is being tethered to your child.

It is making every single decision alone. Right or wrong. No one to give a new point of view or tell you, "hey, wait, that is the worst way to handle that situation." Single parenthood is telling the boss you can't stay late. Ever. Never. Single parenthood is being told in the grocery store that because your child is cranky, you should really wait and do your shopping around her nap schedule. And you, tired of the criticisms turn around and explain that between work and being alone, this child is going have to schedule her routine around yours.

Single parenthood is knowing your child does way more than his/her fair share because mommy needs help. Single parenthood is lonely. Lonely. Single parenthood is guilt. (Although that's really mommyhood in general.) Single parenthood is being the sole provider. Single parenthood is no one to come bail you out. Ever. No one to eventually come home from that business trip or night out.

Single parenthood is crying for hours when you're seven months pregnant because all you want is a glass of water but you are just too tired, sick and swollen to get up. Single parenthood is not going to a lamaze class because you were ashamed that you didn't have a partner. Single parenthood is seeing your child for the first time and having no one to share it with.

Single parenthood is the electricity going out while you're alone and breastfeeding and crying because your nipples are bleeding and worrying that the blood in the breastmilk is going to hurt your baby and somehow not tripping and falling with your newborn in your hands and as you inch your way to the cabinet and pray you have a flashlight. Single parenthood is finding the flashlight. Single parenthood is shushing the baby while you light your way back to the futon in your studio apt. to resume breastfeeding and just as you wince because the baby latches on, the batteries in the flashlight die.

I find it disrespectful that people take this term, this lifestyle, and turn it into a trend. Should I feel pity for you that you had to "single parent" for 2 hours? Are you cool now that you got to apply that term to yourself? How can something so important, so difficult, be so easily mocked as to become a trend?

I am grateful to have my boyfriend and now that we're living together, I have found a new freedom. He may not support her (financially) but he is raising her with me. The next time she's sick, rather than frantically running around like a chicken with my head cut off repeating outloud, "What do I do?? What do I do???", I can turn to him and get his counsel. It is an amazing thing to have a partner in life and I think part of the other pet peeve of mine is that by using the term single parenting so easily, aren't you disrespecting all that your partner is and does for you?

Anyway, that's my rant. I am very open to discussion on this. I'd like to hear your take on this.