Saturday, September 17, 2005

mountain or molehill? you decide.

for me, honesty is the most essential factor in a committed relationship. the number of partners who cheat on each other and hide entire facets of their lives from each other is astronimical. that lifestyle wouldn't work for me.

last night was my boss' 50th birthday and her family through her a surprise party. they really pulled out all the stops! i thought the date was thursday, sept. 22nd but luckily, yesterday, a woman at worked asked me what the dress i was wearing to the party looked like. i told her that i was going to buy it saturday (today) and she told me (to my horror) that the party was actually that night (last night).

so, i raced to find a sitter and a dress (never did - had to wear an old one) and of course, a gift. then, i called milan, to apologize and inform him that he would not be relaxing friday night. he called me back 3 times yesterday trying to get out of going until i began crying. finally, he agreed to go but was clearly loathing it.

at the party, about 2 hours into it, i got up to dance. sometime during the first song, i noticed milan was no longer in his seat. 3 songs later, i went back to the table to find him still missing. 10 minutes go by and i'm thinking, what, did he fall in?? (the toilet) so, i get up to go looking and notice him walking up to a friend of mine outside. now, before your mind goes crazy, no, he wasn't sneaking out to hook up with anyone.

i tell him i was looking for him, he says really? and that's it. another hour later we say our goodbyes. as we're heading out, he says, oh, i pulled the car up closer to the door. great. thanks.

then, this morning, i get in his car to come to work and find a brand new pack of cigarettes hidden (poorly) underneath the driver's seat. (probably wouldn't have even seen it if i didn't lose my flip-flop climbing in.) so, he had snuck out unbeknownst to me to go buy some stupid cigarettes and didn't even bother to tell me. not even when i asked him where he'd been all that time.

i get that this isn't the end of the world. but honesty and trust are important to me and i feel like if you can lie about the little things, why not the big ones, too?

i'm hurt. i'll get over it. but in this moment?

i'm hurt.